"I learned the hard way that they all say things you want to hear. My heavy heart sinks deep down under. You and your twisted words, your help just hurts. You are not what I thought you were."
If there's anything my marriage and previous relationships have taught me, it's that men lie. They can can be deceitful, conniving, selfish, inconsiderate bastards. I woke up this morning to find myself in another predicament that I've encountered far too many times in the last 10 years. I wonder why I stayed so long. Why did I allow myself to be taken for granted? Why did I allow myself to be used? Are there any decent men still left on this God forsaken Earth? I'm starting to have serious doubts.
HIM: "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to you."
ME: "At least you're right about one thing."
I'm self-sufficient, I'm independent, and I thought I was highly intelligent. So why do I allow myself to be run over? Sometimes I wonder if I really am that "damaged" girl that I was labeled so long ago. I don't want to be some bitter, hateful woman that has no trust in anyone. But it's hard to look past all the hurt and pain I've dealt with. It's hard to think that I'll ever have a chance to be happy; to have the kind of life I deserve. All my decisions have lead me to where I am today. They say love is blind and I've been stumbling in the dark for far too long. Maybe I'm just now opening my eyes to the truth. It's time to save myself.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE BOOZE.
So there I was. Eating Thanksgiving Dinner. I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find reporters from Channel 9 news. I said, "Is my car okay?" They paused for a moment and said, "No".
Lets go back. It was a Monday. My car had been stolen. I went to the local police station to file a report. I specifically wrote in my report not to engage in a high speed pursuit. I knew doing so would result in total catastrophe. They didn't listen. Nor did they feel the need to notify me of the actions taken. I guess it wasn't that important to them. Maybe they were afraid to admit that they were complete assholes who had violated my car. So three days later, I had news reporters at my door asking for an interview.
At 11:00 PM that night I watched myself on television, give a short commentary on this theft. Then I watched in horror. The news station had captured my car speeding down I-4 from Altamonte Springs into Orlando, being chased by what seemed like the entire Central FL Police Force. They performed two pit maneuvers before the car finally crashed into an embankment. Then, they cut my roof off. THEY CUT MY ROOF OFF. To get the mother fucking thieves out. They weren't even injured and could've just opened to door to exit the vehicle. Nah, that would've been too easy. My NEW car was totaled. But hey, the cops found it, right? When I saw it the next day at a junk yard it looked like a heaping pile of white metal crap. The roof was sitting inside the car and glass was everywhere. The front end looked like a wrecking ball had crashed into it. Everything was missing. The car seat and steering wheel covers had been removed, all my CD's where gone... but the trunk was filled with bottles of liquor. I was surprised the cops didn't confiscate it all. At least I got free liquor and a favorite pair of sandals that were still in the trunk. There's an upside to everything.
Lets go back. It was a Monday. My car had been stolen. I went to the local police station to file a report. I specifically wrote in my report not to engage in a high speed pursuit. I knew doing so would result in total catastrophe. They didn't listen. Nor did they feel the need to notify me of the actions taken. I guess it wasn't that important to them. Maybe they were afraid to admit that they were complete assholes who had violated my car. So three days later, I had news reporters at my door asking for an interview.
At 11:00 PM that night I watched myself on television, give a short commentary on this theft. Then I watched in horror. The news station had captured my car speeding down I-4 from Altamonte Springs into Orlando, being chased by what seemed like the entire Central FL Police Force. They performed two pit maneuvers before the car finally crashed into an embankment. Then, they cut my roof off. THEY CUT MY ROOF OFF. To get the mother fucking thieves out. They weren't even injured and could've just opened to door to exit the vehicle. Nah, that would've been too easy. My NEW car was totaled. But hey, the cops found it, right? When I saw it the next day at a junk yard it looked like a heaping pile of white metal crap. The roof was sitting inside the car and glass was everywhere. The front end looked like a wrecking ball had crashed into it. Everything was missing. The car seat and steering wheel covers had been removed, all my CD's where gone... but the trunk was filled with bottles of liquor. I was surprised the cops didn't confiscate it all. At least I got free liquor and a favorite pair of sandals that were still in the trunk. There's an upside to everything.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
WAL-MART ADVENTURE
When I left my house last night, I headed towards Wal-Mart to do some shopping. My windshield was clouded on the inside and my heater doesn't work so I just shifted into reverse and went with it. As I drove down the road, all the taillights, headlights, and streetlights had a mystical orb and beaming trails. I blasted some Paul van Dyk, pulled in close to the steering wheel, and bobbed down the road. It reminded me of a night I wore these trippy green glasses on a drive out to a rave. It was like I was a driver in the game Burnout. I had escaped reality if only for a few moments. I had an urge to close my eyes and just let the car drift but that would ultimately result in a crash, if not my sudden death. I pulled into the parking lot and felt as if I could sit in that one spot listening to the music and pretending no else existed, forever. Then I snapped back to reality and exited the vehicle.
I headed straight to the back of the store as I always do. I walked through the baby department and heard some music playing from the display of children's albums. The sound coming from the speakers was similar to what I was listening to in my car so I stopped the cart, stood there for a minute, closed my eyes, and got lost again.
My last stop was through the bakery. A box of Valentine doughnuts caught my eye. I stopped again. My first thought was how I hate that holiday. My second thought was how incredibly hilarious and disturbing it would be for me to grab this box of love and tear it open in a fit of rage while ripping apart each doughnut... screaming, laughing and throwing all the pieces at the people around me. But then I realized it wasn't fair to be hatin' on the doughnuts so I walked away.
I headed straight to the back of the store as I always do. I walked through the baby department and heard some music playing from the display of children's albums. The sound coming from the speakers was similar to what I was listening to in my car so I stopped the cart, stood there for a minute, closed my eyes, and got lost again.
My last stop was through the bakery. A box of Valentine doughnuts caught my eye. I stopped again. My first thought was how I hate that holiday. My second thought was how incredibly hilarious and disturbing it would be for me to grab this box of love and tear it open in a fit of rage while ripping apart each doughnut... screaming, laughing and throwing all the pieces at the people around me. But then I realized it wasn't fair to be hatin' on the doughnuts so I walked away.
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