Tuesday, January 25, 2011

SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE BOOZE.

So there I was. Eating Thanksgiving Dinner. I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find reporters from Channel 9 news. I said, "Is my car okay?" They paused for a moment and said, "No".


Lets go back. It was a Monday. My car had been stolen. I went to the local police station to file a report. I specifically wrote in my report not to engage in a high speed pursuit. I knew doing so would result in total catastrophe. They didn't listen. Nor did they feel the need to notify me of the actions taken. I guess it wasn't that important to them. Maybe they were afraid to admit that they were complete assholes who had violated my car. So three days later, I had news reporters at my door asking for an interview.


At 11:00 PM that night I watched myself on television, give a short commentary on this theft. Then I watched in horror. The news station had captured my car speeding down I-4 from Altamonte Springs into Orlando, being chased by what seemed like the entire Central FL Police Force. They performed two pit maneuvers before the car finally crashed into an embankment. Then, they cut my roof off. THEY CUT MY ROOF OFF. To get the mother fucking thieves out. They weren't even injured and could've just opened to door to exit the vehicle. Nah, that would've been too easy. My NEW car was totaled. But hey, the cops found it, right? When I saw it the next day at a junk yard it looked like a heaping pile of white metal crap. The roof was sitting inside the car and glass was everywhere. The front end looked like a wrecking ball had crashed into it. Everything was missing. The car seat and steering wheel covers had been removed, all my CD's where gone... but the trunk was filled with bottles of liquor. I was surprised the cops didn't confiscate it all. At least I got free liquor and a favorite pair of sandals that were still in the trunk. There's an upside to everything.

5 comments:

  1. You can sue them. If they engaged in a high-speed chase against the instructions set forth by you in the police report, then you can sue them. My husband is awesome and full of random tidbits like that. :D

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  2. They told me that the law states they are allowed to engage in a high speed pursuit when the vehicle is "car-jacked". This happened in 2005.

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  3. that's bullshit. they did exactly as instructed not to. yes, they are allowed to engage in a high speed pursuit. they are also allowed to replace your vehicle that is no longer even worth a salvage title.

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  4. I'd read up on that law personally to see if and/or where it states that. While at times it may seem unavoidable for them (like if the perpetrators tried to run down a police officer; it's no longer a case of auto theft but now attempted vehicular manslaughter on a law enforcement officer), the amount of damage they had to incur was a bit excessive. Have you spoken to any lawyers about it?

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